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Don’t Say Yes When You Mean No Part I
By Judith A. Swack Ph.D
After missing another morning staff meeting, Rebecca’s boss questioned her commitment to her job. Rebecca explained that she had to take her girls to school while her husband was out of town. In reality, Rebecca was ‘hysterically overbusy’, juggling a family, a job, and Girl Scout leadership.
Overcommitted, her life out of balance, Rebecca came to me sick and on the verge of burn out because she said ‘yes’ to everyone who asked for help. In fact, she drove 1 ½ hours out of her way every week for her daughter’s former best friend from preschool who wanted to be in her troop.
We’ve all said ‘yes’ when we meant ‘no’ out of politeness or to reciprocate a kindness. That’s being nice and it’s harmless. In this article I address more serious situations where people override their desire to say no and put other people’s needs before their own, preventing them from setting limits.
Over the years I have discovered two main unconscious reasons why people say ‘yes’ when they really want to say ‘no’: 1) They are desperate for something or 2) They are afraid or ashamed to say ‘no’. In Part I of this article I discuss the desperation patterns. In Part II, I discuss the fear and shame patterns (available on our website under Education then Short Articles.)
Desperation Can Lead to Seduction
Sometime in childhood, you experienced a traumatic event that caused a part of you to feel dead or empty. The dead part is desperate to come back to life and believes the only way to do this is to get the critical elements (also called gifts or promised benefits) it needs from somebody outside of you.
In a seduction pattern, the dead part either:
- allows itself to be seduced by accepting gifts or the promise of gifts from others and pays for it by allowing the other person to drain you of positive qualities like energy, joy, and compassion (seducee pattern),
- seduces others into giving it the critical elements by bribing, threatening, or doing other manipulative behaviors (seducer strategy).
In effect, the promise from each side is, "I'll bring you to life."
Seduction patterns are energy draining, perverse, and frustrating. People get tricked into doing things they don’t want to do. They are unable to leave bad relationships, jobs, family, or other upsetting situations. Seduction always backfires because no one outside of you can bring you to life. The most that anyone gets is a small amount of what the dead part needs, and it is insufficient, perverted and unsatisfying
The most common seducer strategy that prevents people from saying ‘no’ (and the one that caused Rebecca’s problem) is,
“I sacrifice myself to please others in order to get love, appreciation, acceptance, etc.”
The only way to get free of a seduction is to give back or refuse to take the gifts that you are tempted by, but the dead part can’t let go for fear that if it gives up what little it is getting it will go back to being completely dead. To clear seduction, we use a prayer intervention in which you:
- Renounce the gifts you’re being promised (while feeling desperate not to),
- Ask God (a source that can actually deliver) to free you from the seduction, heal the dead part, and provide what you need.
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Inside This Issue |
| Don’t Say Yes When You Mean No |
1 |
| This Month’s Miracles |
2 |
| Events and Appearances |
3 |
| Products |
3 |
| Staff |
4 |
| Contact Information |
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| What’s New In HBLU |
- COME TO A PARTY! Healing from the Body Level Up, Inc. is celebrating our name change and the launch of our new website on May, 1 st, 7:00 – 9:00 PM in our Needham office. We would love for you to join us at this fun-filled evening. Our intention is to reach more of the people who need HBLU throughout the world. The new website contains more information, products, and media appearances. RSVP 781-444-6940 and please visit www.HBLU.org.
- HBLU,Inc. is also very excited to announce Dr. Swack’s appearance on WCVB Ch. 5’s TV show “Chronicle”. See Dr. Swack cure anchor, Mary Richardson, of her phobia of spiders. The episode will air on Friday, April 13 th. Be sure to tune in!
- Listen to Dr. Judith Swack live on the “Conscious Healing” radio show with host Sherry Anshara on April 11 at 7:00 PM EST at www.achieveradio.com
- Congratulations Lisa! In addition to HBLU TM, our associate, Lisa Bowker, has added Seemorg Matrix Work, a healing modality that gently and thoroughly heals trauma even from the most severely traumatized clients, to her repertoire. Call our office at 781-444-6940 to schedule an appointment.
The intervention works instantly regardless of attitudes toward or belief in God
A Simple Intervention to Clear Seducer Strategies . Determine how and what you are trying to get by seducing. While feeling desperate, say:
"I renounce this strategy of _____ (ex. sacrificing myself to please others) in order to get _____ (ex. love, appreciation, acceptance) and I pray God to free me from everyone I do this with and all parts of myself. And I pray God to free me from this seduction pattern. And I pray God to free me from this whole pattern and everything that made me susceptible to it. And I pray God to provide me with whatever else I need in these areas.”
Notice how you feel now that you are no longer desperate. Know that you can get what you need in a straightforward way.
Rebecca now shows up for staff meetings, her husband watches the kids more when he’s home, and her daughter’s preschool friend is in a Girl Scout troop close to home. Now that you’re clear of this pattern notice what happens the next time you need to say ‘no’ J .
Read Part II of this article on our website under Education then Short Articles.
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| This Month’s Miracle
While working on career issues with Judith, I discovered that she also works with children. For many years, my 6-year old daughter refused to wear socks and underwear, could not tolerate sitting in a car seat, and was prone to headaches. At the age of 4, she was diagnosed as tactile defensive, meaning that she couldn’t tolerate being touched. After 2 years of sensory integration therapy, a form of occupational therapy, she had not improved and we were resigned to living with these symptoms. After just one session with Judith, in which we treated my daughter for birth trauma, she now wears her socks and underwear and puts her seatbelt on in the car.
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“After two years of sensory integration therapy, she had not improved and we were resigned to living with these symptoms”
She hasn’t complained of any headaches in the two months since we treated her! I’m still amazed at how ‘no big deal’ this is now. I also brought my 8 -year old daughter to Judith just prior to having two baby-teeth pulled, and she breezed through her dental appointment with no anxiety. Anytime my children have a problem, I’m bringing them to Judith. From one mother to another, thank you.
K.D. Mother
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What is Healing from the Body Level Up TM (HBLU TM)?
HBLU TM is an innovative, rapid, and powerful new mind/body/spirit healing methodology developed by Dr. Judith Swack. HBLU TM gets people unstuck by clearing all kinds of unconscious self-sabotage patterns (including phobias and traumas) at the conscious level, the unconscious level, the body level, and the soul level simultaneously. HBLU TM allows people to communicate clearly with their soul’s deepest wisdom, their bodies, and their unconscious minds. It allows them to work congruently with all levels of their being to achieve the results they want in their lives so they can live full, happy, and satisfying lives.
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Events and Appearances |
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HBLUTM
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Instant Intuition
April 5 th, 20 07 and April 12 th, 2007
7-9:30 PM Newton , MA
Sponsored by Newton Community Education
To Register Call (617) 559-6999
Energy Psychology Conference 2007
April 19 th-21 st Washington D.C . Area
Judith Will Be Presenting
“Take Loving Charge of Your Life”
Learn how to become the CEO of your life! Learn how to hold the (company) vision, plot the course of your life, coordinate all levels of your being, acquire resources to enable your employees (inner parts) to do their jobs, and take responsibility for the quality of your life.
For more Information please visit www.energypsych.org
HBLUTM I Trainings 2007
April 22 nd – 25 Washington D.C. June 7 th-10 th Needham, Ma October 28 th – 31 st Toronto, Ca
For more information please call:
(781) 444 6940
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Simple Secrets for Improving and Creating Relationships
May 3 rd, 20076:30-8:00 PM
Create connections by accurately describing how you’re thinking and feeling.
Sponsored by The Post Club
www.postclub.com
To register please call (617) 332 - 2582
Overcoming Fears, Phobias and Traumas
Come learn the techniques that Judith used to cure anchor Mary Richardson of her fear of spiders.
July 5 th and July 12 th
7:00-9:00 PM Newton, Ma
Sponsored by Newton Community Education
To Register Call (617) 559-6999
9 th Annual Toronto Energy Psychology Conference
October 25 th-27 th 2007
Toronto , Canada
Judith Will Be Presenting
“Don’t Say Yes When You Mean No .”
To register please call 416 221 5639
Or visit www.torontoepc.com
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Video
Healing the Deathwish Pattern
Cost: VHS $69.99 / DVD $71.99
Clear Trauma Now With Natural Bio- Destressing
Cost: VHS $25 / DVD $27
Audio
Finding and Keeping Your Ideal Mate and Love Phobia
$27- two cd set
• Your Ultimate Weight Loss Solution
$27 two cd set
• Make More Money Now
$14 two cd set
Books
Energy Psychology in Psychotherapy:
A Comprehensive Source Book
$67
All products are available on our website www.HBLU.org or can be ordered by phone or email.
(781) 444 6940
jaswack@msn.com
All Prices Include S + H
Ma residents subject to 5% sales Tax
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Our Staff
Judith A. Swack Ph.D. Originator of Healing from the Body Level Up TM
Judith A. Swack, Ph.D., is a Biochemist/Immunologist, Master NLP Practitioner, Certified Hypnotherapist, Mind/Body Healer, and leader in the field of Energy Psychology. Dr. Swack has presented her dramatic results live on national television and at international conferences. She has published numerous articles in scientific, professional, and popular journals and authored the chapter "Healing from the Body Level Up" in the industry-defining publication, Energy Psychology in Psychotherapy: A Comprehensive Source Book. Dr. Swack offers individual client sessions and trainings both nationally and abroad.
Lisa Bowker, MPNLP, C.Ht.
Through her advanced certification in HBLU TM IV, Lisa helps people overcome their core limitations in order to achieve their personal or professional goals. In addition to providing individual therapy, she also teaches HBLU TM workshops. Lisa integrates her expertise in HBLU TM with her experience as a Certified Hypnotherapist and Master Practitioner in NLP with additional training in Brain Gym and the Option Process Dialogue. She has also done extensive training in Seemorg Matrix work, a healing modality that gently and thoroughly heals trauma from even the most severely traumatized clients. Lisa specializes in helping people make lasting change in areas of health, career, relationships, family dynamics and overall quality of life.
David Danzig, LICSW
David has over 20 years of experience in the therapeutic field. In addition to individual therapy, he specializes in family therapy, teenagers, addictions and trauma work. Also, David runs therapy groups for men. He is gifted in using the HBLU TM methodology in treating phobias and traumas and in making HBLU TM easy to understand for both professional and lay people.
Edward Sullivan, Office Manager
Ed is responsible for the business side of HBLU, Inc. He keeps track of the billing and finances, training enrollment, marketing, and business development. Ed is our state-of-the art high tech guy. He graduated from Quinnipiac University Business School with a degree in small business management and entrepreneurship.
Marcia Lieberman, Administrative Assistant
Marcia, known as the scheduling goddess, is responsible for client intake and scheduling, as well as the day to day activities of our office. She has successfully used this work to help herself and others in their healing process.
Healing from the Body Level Up, Inc.
We work with people in person or by phone.
To schedule an appointment:
Phone: (781) 444-6940 or (800) 310-6549
Fax: (781) 449 4854
E-Mail: Jaswack@msn.com
www.HBLU.org
Healing from the Body level Up, Inc.
56 Pickering St
Needham Ma, 02492
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